


Damned If I Do (And Damned If I  Don't)

by ThatGirlTheyKnow



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Out of Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-21
Updated: 2013-01-21
Packaged: 2017-11-26 08:39:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/648677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatGirlTheyKnow/pseuds/ThatGirlTheyKnow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"We can be happy together, you and I."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Damned If I Do (And Damned If I  Don't)

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I'm not 110% sure on my details and facts for this fic, and there's out of characterness, and after about midway season five just imagine everything turned out way differently. This is my first time writing these two for a non-AU fic. Be warned. This was just written out of boredom.

When Castiel was but a fledgling, his favourite past time was gazing upon his older brother, Lucifer, and taking in his awe-inspiring beauty. He was young, one of many angels that looked up to Lucifer, and the archangel rarely spoke to him, or even acknowledged his specific existence. Once or twice, Lucifer would pass Castiel while he was alone, and would smile at him in a way that left Castiel breathless, but the most he had ever said to him was, “Hello, brother,” just like he had to all of his other siblings, so Castiel did not bother think of himself special.

Then, soon after humans were fully evolved, Lucifer fell, and after many eons, Castiel all but forgot about the astoundingly beautiful Grace of his lost brother. He mourned, as all of Heaven did, and then moved on. He grew and he learned. He watched humanity and loved his Father and his Father’s greatest creation with his whole heart, more than he knew he should. He fought for Heaven’s armies, fought to make his Father proud. Then, when the time came, he raised Dean Winchester from Hell, and began his fall.

* * *

 

He was not surprised when Lucifer appeared before him. He knew this was coming, and was grateful he was not with the Winchesters. Lucifer wordlessly flew them away from the city he was in. He looked around his settings with a blank face as Lucifer examined him; they were in a grassy field in a place Castiel had never been before. It was pleasant here, he observed. It would be a nice place to die. After their last meeting, Lucifer would surely not let him live, not after he knew Castiel would not help him. Admiration or not, the younger angel had made his decisions.

“Hello, Lucifer,” Castiel said.

“Castiel,” Lucifer sighed out, smiling. “How are you?”

“I am good,” Castiel said, and then remained silent. Lucifer smiled more circled him in a predatory manner. Castiel did not let himself feel fright- he knew Lucifer could kill him instantly, and there was no use fighting him. He was much, much stronger than the lower angel was. That did not mean he _wouldn’t_ fight his brother, because he _would_. He just internally resigned himself to death.

They did not speak; Castiel remained tensed and ready for conflict and Lucifer remained relaxed and casual as he stared at the younger angel, both Grace and body, and ultimately seemed pleased with what he saw.

In the blink of an eye, Lucifer stood in front of Castiel and had one hand on his shoulder. Castiel could feel his tainted Grace seeping into him, connecting with his own, but he did not step away. He should have, but he found himself unable to move in a way that had nothing to do with any spell the Devil may have cast on him. “What do you want?” His made his voice demanding, but his confusion seeped out. Lucifer’s actions did not make sense. He should have killed Castiel by now, demanded he make the boys say yes, but nothing happened. Nothing at all, except their Graces intertwining in an almost intimate way that made Castiel swell with emotion- though it was not what it once was, Lucifer was still the Morningstar, and still one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen. He disturbed himself with the way he felt, but could not change it.

The Devil smiled, feeling the way Castiel reacted to him, and moved his hand from his brother’s shoulder to his cheek. “You intrigue me,” he said finally in a low voice. “You are not like our siblings.”

“No,” Castiel agreed, frowning because he did not like agreeing with the Devil. “I am not. What do you want, Lucifer?”

“We’re alike,” the archangel said, ignoring his question. “You are falling. It makes me drawn to you.”

Castiel frowned harder at Lucifer’s admission, and flapped his wings, but he could not leave. The devil had obviously warded the field before he brought him here. Seeing his attempts, Lucifer smiled sadly and dropped his hand.

“I’m afraid I did not want our conversation cut short.”

“This is not much of a conversation, brother.”

“Because you’re not speaking.” Lucifer raised his eyebrows almost challengingly, and Castiel took a step away from him.

“If you are not to kill me-”

“I am not,” the Devil interrupted. Castiel was confused.

“Then let me leave. I will not help you. I am on the side of the humans.”

“Why?” He was genuinely curious. “Why, Castiel? They are nothing compared to us.”

“I am nothing compared to you,” Castiel said. “I am a common angel and you are an _archangel_ , the devil, who could smite me as easily as you could shake my hand. You are one of the few who has gazed upon our Father. There are thousands of those like me, but so few like you.”

“No,” Lucifer said, and his hand grabbed Castiel’s arm. “You are special.”

“How?” Castiel did not like the way the Devil said that.

“I do not know yet, brother.”

* * *

 

Castiel did not tell Dean and Sam of his second meeting with Lucifer. He tried not to feel guilt.

* * *

 

Castiel was walking alone through a snowstorm and was doing his best not to let his mind wander to his fallen brother when suddenly he found himself back in the grassy field with Lucifer. He stood, as he did last time, and noticed how much Lucifer’s vessel had deteriorated. Had Lucifer been untainted, he probably would have been able to heal the vessel long enough for it to contain his Grace for a very long time, but Castiel thought that perhaps Lucifer’s Grace was not very able to heal, these days.

Without thinking, Castiel sent out a tendril of his own Grace and healed the vessel until it was healthy again. It would deteriorate again, but it had more time. Lucifer looked surprised, but smiled and sent out a wave of his Grace in a sort of thank you. Castiel hated himself slightly for the fact that he liked it.

“Tell me how you see humans,” he requested, and as Castiel had nothing better to do, he told him.

He told him about how humans were capable of such a wide range of emotion- love, hatred, anger, sadness, jealousy and more, all at the same time. How even those with the most broken souls were capable of love, and how even the most pure had times of darkness. He told Lucifer how he had watched endless pairs of them meet, fall in love, and die content and happy in the arms of their love. He explained how interesting they were, how complex they were, in some ways much more so than angels- angels were made to feel love, and though they were capable of other emotions, it took learning. Humans were emotional, volatile, complicated beings and Castiel loved them as a whole.

He told Lucifer how he admired them- how they evolved, learned, invented and moved forward all by themselves. How he thought it was amazing how they developed civilisations that echoed on forever, how every time it seemed as though they had reached a dead end, they powered through and became more advanced. Lucifer listened with what appeared to be rapt attention, and when Castiel was finally done speaking after many hours, the Devil placed a soft kiss at the top of his brother’s forehead, and Castiel appeared in the same snowstorm he had been in previously.

* * *

Lucifer disappeared, and therefore the Apocalypse was averted. Lucifer appeared unwilling to fight his brother, and Michael appeared relieved. The oldest archangel tried to find his brother, to reconcile with him and ask him to beg forgiveness of his sins so they could be family once more, but he could not find him, so Michael went back to Heaven and made it clear to any who doubted that he would not fight Lucifer, and Lucifer remained hidden for years.

When he finally reappeared, he came before Castiel and placed a chaste kiss on the younger angel’s forehead. They were in one of the Winchester’s safe-houses, but they wanted to be left alone, so they knew the humans would not interrupt them. Their Grace made sure of that.

“I want to be in your company always,” Lucifer said. “I want to see humanity how you see humanity.”

“No, you don’t.”

“No, you’re right. But I want to try because I want to please you.”

“I hunt with the Winchesters now,” Castiel said.

“Then I shall join you, brother.” Lucifer’s almost completely deteriorated vessel was healed again as Castiel sent his Grace out. He smiled that blinding smile and the angel could not say no, despite who his brother was, despite what his brother had done, and the evil he had committed. He could not say no because he wanted Lucifer to be with him, too.  

“Okay,” Castiel said. Emotions were swirling in his chest and stomach and they were foreign to him. “But they will not like it.”

“They will learn to.” Lucifer leaned into Castiel’s personal space once more and their lips hovered each other, hesitant. “They cannot stop us.”

“Why are you doing this, Lucifer? Why... Why me?”

Lucifer pressed his lips to Castiel’s firmly and the younger angel did not protest or pull away. He was not experienced with kissing, but as Lucifer’s mouth slowly coaxed his own to move, he thought he like it, and understood the appeal. The Devil’s mouth was cold but that’s not why Castiel shivered.

“I have no idea,” Lucifer told Castiel honestly when they finally pulled away. “Like I said- you’re special.”

Castiel nodded, accepting this answer. He understood what it was like to not understand your own motives. “I would very much like for you to, uh, be around. Despite my best intentions, I have come to enjoy being in your company, and a part of me did feel mournful when you disappeared.”

Lucifer smirked, but it was not unkind. “Did you enjoy your kidnappings?”

“To a certain degree,” Castiel admitted and allowed himself the barest hint of a smile. “I was confused when you did not go through with the Apocalypse.”

Lucifer did not answer, but flew them to the same grassy field from years before and they both sat on the grass. The field looked much the same. Lucifer removed Castiel’s trenchcoat and his own jacket and all but forced the reluctant angel to rest his head in the Devil’s lap as they lay down and stared at the sky in silence. They field was now unwarded, Castiel could feel the difference, and they would be visible to all of Heaven, who would surely feel the resurfaced presence of their fallen brother.

In fact, Lucifer sent a strong wave of Grace through the connection all angels had, a simple and clear message that he would not be fighting Michael, and if anyone tried to change his mind they would be smote. The stronger angels sent Grace back, confused and probing, some questioning Castiel’s presence, but received none of the answers they wished. None flew down to confront them.  None dared.

“We can be happy together, you and I,” Lucifer told him.

“How?”

“By doing whatever we want.”

Castiel considered this, and then sighed almost happily and sat up. He kissed Lucifer again and felt the Devil wrapped his arms around him. He resigned himself to the Lucifer’s embrace.

“Okay.”


End file.
